A local Christian writer and pastor’s wife (Jeanette Levelie) posted the following questions on Facebook for people to answer:
“It’s interesting how various personalities respond to others’ pain or irritation. If person A is hurting or simply annoyed and shares it with their friend group,
Person B will say, “Suck it up, Buttercup. That happens to us all.”
Person C will say, “Here’s what to do…”
Person D will say, “Oh, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.”
What response helps you the most?”
Interestingly, most people answered “person D.” I had another take on the question. I found that all three answers had merit and could be immensely helpful. For example, when person B says “Suck it up, Buttercup. That happens to us all.” Those words are, in fact, an excellent reminder that everyone of us encounters problems in this life. In John 16:33, Jesus tells us “ These things I have spoken to you so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”
So, in fact, the person who says “That happens to us all” is absolutely correct, and instead of being offended by those words we should let them remind us that whatever the world throws at us, Jesus has already overcome the world! King David understood this well as he wrote in Psalm 30:5b “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”Whatever trials we may be facing, the Holy Spirit is there to guide and comfort us, and in the end, as Christians, we look forward to victory over death and the world and an eternity in Heaven with our Lord!
Sometimes, when person C says “Here’s what to do. . .” their advice may be both unwanted and unhelpful. We may already have done what they suggest. Or their suggestion might be wildly unsuitable. But we should listen before we brush them aside. When our daughter got COVID, the hospital where she works simply sent her home and told her not to come back until the Board of Health had cleared her. I was very concerned. She had COVID. And they had given her no instructions, had not sent her to see her nurse practitioner, had done —nothing! But when I posted on Facebook that she had it in order to solicit prayers on her behalf, another nurse practitioner from the hospital who had gone to Europe with us years ago, messaged me with detailed instructions as to what she should do and take and what we needed to keep an eye on.
That “Here’s what to do” was the best advice anyone has ever given us and I am so grateful to her. If I had brushed her aside, perhaps Missy’s case would have been worse than it was. But God sent that “Here’s what to do” just when we needed it!
As I said, most people answered that person D who responded “Oh, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this” as the response that they felt would be the most helpful. It made them feel good that someone was feeling empathetic. A very few of them caught the point that I made. Empathy is well and good, but it needs to be followed with prayer! When Russ was seriously ill in January of 2020, it was not because people told me they were sorry I had to go through seeing him in pain and in danger that I was able to make it through those days in the hospital and the months that followed as he recovered. No, it was all the dozens upon dozens of people who answered my call for prayer on Facebook, from all over the country and even abroad, and who prayed. It was knowing they were praying that held me up when I was frightened and exhausted. It was my reading the list of people who said they were praying to Russ when he was awake and alert that lifted his spirits. It was those prayers bombarding the gates of Heaven on his behalf that made us feel so much better.
There is a child’s riddle that goes “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” In this age, especially under this administration, hateful words are being constantly thrown at Christians. But we need to remember again, just as we consider the comments from persons B, C, and D in my friend’s example before brushing them aside, that words spoken either intentionally to hurt us or unintentionally by a well-meaning friend, cannot really hurt us. If they are not helpful, we should simply ignore them. The words that truly give us the most support in times of trouble are those of the Bible. God will lift us up when others cannot. God will remind us when cruel things are said in order to deliberately hurt us, that cruel things were said to Jesus as well. Hard though it may be, we need to follow Jesus’ words as recorded in Matthew 5:44a and verse 48 “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you. . . . Therefore you shall be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
So, if you are the one answering someone who is hurting or angry, remember that your best choice is to offer to pray for them and perhaps even to guide them to an uplifting scripture from the Bible. Nothing else we may do can help them more than those two things!