In a recent conversation I was struck by my friend’s statement that “I am who I am, I think what I think and I believe what I believe.” She concluded by saying that her life experiences had made her what she is and that she is not going to change. That’s it. She is done. Take her as she is or leave her.
Unfortunately, many people would agree with her. They go lumbering through life like bulls in the proverbial china shop, injuring people with their actions or comments, and absolving themselves of any accountability by saying “Hey, that’s just the way I am!” But, in fact, they are wrong. A more accurate explanation would be “Hey, that’s just the way I choose to be!” We are who we are, we think what we think, and we believe what we believe because we choose to be, to think, and to believe as we do.
Certainly everyone is shaped in some way by what he or she has experienced in life. Those who grew up during the Great Depression, for example, when money was scarce, found it hard during the prosperous 80’s and 90’s to spend money even though they had plenty. Many still didn’t trust banks, still preferred cash to credit cards. Likewise, mistreated by others or suffering the loss of loved ones, people become hurt, angry, sorrowful and bitter. Too many of them, however, wrap themselves in these unhealthy feelings and never let go of them, allowing these emotions to color every aspect of their lives from then on.
We can not help how these situations make us feel initially because feelings of hurt, rejection, anger, sorrow, bitterness are all normal, human reactions. But we do not need to live forever with those feelings. We can choose to set them aside, to refuse to dwell on them and on the situations that caused them. It is not an easy task. It takes determined choice and effort.
In the book of Philippians, Paul admonishes us “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:8 NKJV). Clearly from Paul’s admonition, we understand that we can choose what thoughts we entertain. We can not prevent the negative feelings and thoughts from coming to our minds, but we can choose to push them aside and focus our thoughts on positive, beautiful things. A minister once told our youth group that we couldn’t keep a bird from flying over our heads, but we could certainly keep it from building a nest in our hair! Thus it is with our thoughts and our feelings. Rather than feeding those negative attitudes by playing the cause of them over and over in our minds, we must force them away from us, we must choose to think of things that are pure, noble, just, virtuous, and praiseworthy.
In Romans, Paul underlines one of the stumbling blocks to our clearing our minds of these destructive thoughts and emotions. In chapter 12 verse 2, he instructs us “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Clearly God does not intend us to live our lives swallowed up in negativity, but then why do many of us do just that? Because we are conforming to what the world expects of us. If someone wrongs us, the world expects us to seek revenge. If someone hits us, we are expected to hit back, to defend ourselves. But Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek. Impossible, you might say. And yet, after the trial of Dylann Roof who was convicted for the senseless slaughter of nine people at a church Bible study in Charleston, South Carolina, many of the family members of his victims publicly forgave him for murdering their loved ones. How on earth could they do that?
Turning the other cheek, forgiving those who have wronged us in the most horrific fashion, putting aside bitterness and anger, these are not easily done. But the members of the Emanuel AME church in Charleston knew that we do not, as Christians, have to fight this battle alone. Jesus tells us as recorded in John 14:26 “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.” And later in John 16:13 He further explains “when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth;” So it is the Comforter, the indwelling Holy Spirit who guides us, leads us, and helps us to remember the teachings of our Lord. And remembering that Jesus, who, dying in agony on the cross could pray, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” (Luke 23:34) will help us to lay aside our negativity and “be transformed by the renewing of [our] minds.”
Being a Christian is not an easy task. But unlike other religions, Christianity does not leave its followers with impossible goals to strive for on their own. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us and the comfort of immediate access to our God through prayer. We are reminded in Deuteronomy 31:8 “And the LORD, he it is that does go before you; he will be with you, he will not fail you, neither forsake you: fear not, neither be dismayed.”
Yet, if we return to that passage in Philippians, Paul admonished us to “meditate” on the good things. Yes, we have the help of the Holy Spirit and the constant presence of an unfailing God, but in the end, it is we who must make the decision to “meditate” on the good things and turn aside from those that are not. Just as our very salvation takes a conscious choice on our part – we must choose to accept the sacrifice of Jesus for our sins – so living lives free from the shackles of negativity is a conscious choice that we must make. We must choose not to let tragedies define us, and then God will help that choice to become a reality.
We choose to be who we are. We choose to think as we think. We choose to believe as we believe. Let’s make the best choice for ourselves.