Perhaps one of the lessons I have learned in my life is how much what I was taught at home has stayed with me. Because of this, I suppose in the way life seems to me is a reflection of my parents.
Neither of my parents were perfect. But then neither am I, nor are my siblings without flaw. But Mom and Dad wanted very much for each of us to become adults who were a credit to their training and teaching. Much of that teaching was done in word, but also much was done in deed. After all, Solomon was right when he wrote in Proverbs, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
What I shall attempt in this short essay is to relay some of the precepts I was taught by my parents. In these, we can see not only the ways young people can become productive citizens of our country, but also how we can validate again the teachings found in the Bible.
One lesson that Mom and Dad laid out was about language. Any kind of bad language was a non-starter. My grandfather (Dad’s dad) was from a very strict and fundamental strain of Methodism; he didn’t suffer profane or obscene language, and Dad passed that on down to us. Try as I might, I can never remember either of my parents uttering any forbidden four-letter words, no matter how provoked they were at any of us. As far as we were concerned, even a “heck” or “darn” brought the very real threat of having a soapy mouth in the near future.
Another lesson learned was about work. When growing up on the farm, I had chores and other work to do. Dad was adamant about two things when I was informed of my duties for each day. First, do a good job, the best I was capable of. Secondly, I did not have a time card. The work was done when it was completed. This caused a lot of grumbling during the time I taught school, for I could not allow any of the precious minutes allotted to our class period to be wasted. No five minutes until the end of the period to just sit and so nothing I made my students work until the bell and blamed the heartless order on Dad who taught me to not waste time when work was at hand.
This list would be incomplete if honesty were not addressed. I was expected to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help me God. When things went wrong at home, temptation to lay the blame on my older brother or younger sister was hard to resist at times. But with the polygraph “machines” that Mom and Dad had become, the truth would always emerge. It helped that my sister seemed to be made of teflon, as no accusation ever stuck to her, and my older brother was the favorite. If I were to blame, they found out. Lesson learned, one, as hard as it is to follow perfectly, still sticks with me.
Perhaps one of the most painful lessons I was taught was to be respectful of older
people, especially if they are family. Back in my youth, trips were taken in a four-door sedan, with Mom and Dad up front and the three of us kids in the back seat. Usually an argument was held as to who got the window seats, and since I was the middle child, I got more than my share of the middle seat. Perhaps that was what prompted an intemperate remark I made on the way home from visiting my grandparents, who lived about ninety miles to the west of us. Some will say that I might have been a little mouthy when a kid, but somewhere on the trip back, a remark I made about my grandfather (which will remain unsaid here) brought a quick, “Don’t make me stop this car!” from Dad. Evidently he didn’t need any more lip from me, for he pulled onto the shoulder of the road, stopped the car and out I came for my (unjust) punishment. But what I learned from that experience was that those who are older deserve our respect, whether in their presence or not. I know that lesson has stayed with me, a lesson I have tried to put into practice for the almost 65 years since it was administered to my derriere!
Never, ever criticize your husband or wife with others present. This meant that I never knew whether Mom and Dad were ever mad at each other, as my memory fails to find an instance where an argument was held in front of us. No shouting at each other, although I know that times were tough and had to cause tensions between them. Only once did my sister and brother and I ever feel that there was some anger between Mom and Dad. We did not hear angry words, but we saw that in their body language. We were somewhat stunned to see this in our parents, and when, after a length of time went by, we saw seen walking hand in hand, we were very relieved. In my work experience, I also know that sometimes husbands and wives will complain to their fellow workers about the faults of their spouses, but that lesson, seen every day until I left home, has helped me to follow that example.
Mom and Dad taught me that Church and Christianity were important — no, they were vital. I was taken to Church and expected to participate in any activity that the Church provided for which I was eligible. This meant Sunday morning, Bible School, Sunday evening, Wednesday prayer meeting, Vacation Bible School and Church Camp, I was there. If, on a Sunday morning, I was sick, when the rest came back from services, I had better be in bed recovering.
In school, less than my best was not acceptable. In fact, that lesson was reinforced by the very real threat that my sports career in high school was in serious jeopardy if either Mom or Dad felt my grades did not come close to my ability. Because of the line in the sand (okay, the line in the grade book), I made sure the marks brought home at grade time were sufficient to support my feeble efforts on the floor or field.
Stay away from bad people. Somehow, even parents found out who the undesirable kids were in high school, and I was expected to be polite, but not hang out with those who always were in trouble, either at school or with the law. We could not avoid these pariahs, but we did not need to be their chums. This edict applied to boys and girls alike, but especially to the girls. It took me a long time to appreciate exactly what Mom and Dad meant by that.
Perhaps all that was taught to me by my parents is summed up in one phrase that I remember from my high school days. “Don’t do anything to bring shame on the family.” Looking at modern-day families, I believe that lesson would be one well delivered and taken to heart today. If done so, we might, as a society, begin again to raise children to productive adulthood, assets to home, school, church and society.