Although I don’t feel I am a purist when it comes to our ‘native’ language, sometimes what is said or written grates on me like fingernails on a chalk board. What triggered this diatribe was a television show where one of the characters, mouthing lines written by a professional script writer, said to someone who was about to drive away: ‘Drive safe’. Really? Was the car she was piloting named ‘Safe?’ Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows the proper sentence was ‘(You) Drive safely’.
This brought us to our subject. What other commonly known and understood phrases or terms are not altogether logical or do not follow the rules of English? Following are a few of those, with a suggestion that corporations and businesses and government employ those who are proficient in their own native tongue.
One car manufacturer features a minivan, and splashed on its back side are the words, Grand Caravan. I am sure that Chrysler does not build the obvious counterpart to that designation, which would be a ‘not so Grand Caravan’. Also build by the same corporation is the Grand Cherokee, possibly a successor to the ‘not quite Grand Cherokee’. Other than insulting the Native American tribe, perhaps the brilliant front office people could work up a better moniker than those.
While driving a street in Terre Haute recently, we passed a small building with the rather large sign, Reformed Presbyterian Church. So, does this mean that there is an ‘unreformed’ Church going by the name Presbyterian? What does the reformed mean? Were the Presbyterians so far out of the mainstream that this congregation had to reform? What is their doctrinal teachings? Just passing by one cannot discern any theological differences that would make attending there attractive.
Along that line was a building with a large, pretentious sign proclaiming it was the ‘Professional Building’. Nothing more, just that name on the sign outside a square brick building. If that is so, where is the ‘unprofessional’ building‘? In the same town was a place called the Professional Plaza. What profession did the buildings engage in? Of course we know it referred to those who worked there, but no indication of what that was is seen on the signage. Most people know what went on, but if you are looking for clarity in signs and designations, you could not find it.
When traveling on U. S. 40 east of Terre Haute, going toward Indianapolis, travelers come upon a small town or village with the name ‘East Glenn’. I don’t know the history of this little burg, but it begs the question, ‘Where is Glenn?’ And it is only east of Terre Haute; East Glenn is west of Seelyville, with no town in between. Sometime I will try to find out why such a name is given to a place that has no relation to its relative place among the small towns along this highway.
All this rumination was spurred, finally, by a business in the city of Plainfield, just west of Indianapolis in U. S. 40. There, a speciality food store was called, in large letters on its plate-glass window, The Real Food Shoppe, of Plainfield. To a casual observer, does this mean there are places where not real food is sold? I suppose the people who seek food there know what their wares are, but what real food does this establishment trade in? Some who are reading this probably think I should have been driving and not looking at places that make no sense in their signage, but it does bring the question as to why businesses do not more accurately and with proper English indicate what they do in those said businesses.
Another sign seen in Terre Haute (and this city is not the only one who has this egregious signage) was next to an elementary school. Simply written, with the first word over the second, it proclaimed: Slow Children. Now we all know what was meant by this, but from an English purist’s perspective, how much effort would it have taken to correct the wording? Some foreigner might think that the people in the area were insulting the kids who couldn’t run fast. Or worse, this was an indication that their children weren’t so very bright. How about someone just writing on this sign, Slow! Children. Then the message is the same, but the wording is much more accurate.
Allied to this are some of the items on a menu. After all, shrimp and jumbo, taken separately, mean two different sizes. Yet most all seafood places have jumbo shrimp as one of their entrees. What are small shrimp called and are their any regular sized such food? And sometimes you see the words, ‘free range chickens’. What difference does it make if these poor birds were free or in jail when caught for our food?
Who takes care of large engine repairs? Along U. S. 40 in West Terre Hauts is the sign, ‘Big Jack’s small engine repair.’. I suppose it is Tiny Tim’s large engine repair. Does Jack believe that references to his size will bring in more lawn mowers? Just wondering.
The only reason for this post is to wonder where our language is heading. On the Internet, letters are substituted for words. Only a few of them are even comprehensible to me. Those of us who were brought up on manual typewriters sometimes are lost.
Bring back my high school English teacher and have her correct all the shortened and misleading signs and abbreviations. Our lives might not be better, but would be better informed.