I just read in an article by Derek Hunter that Chuck Lorre who created shows like “The Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men” has come up with another sitcom for CBS, this one called “The United States of Al.” The premise of the show is that an Afghani who was a former interpreter for the U.S. has come here to live with a soldier he worked with during the on-going war.  But wait, there is a huge problem here.  HUGE!  The show cast an actor in the roll of the Afghani who was NOT from Afghanistan!  I am shocked!  Shocked!  After all, there are no doubt hundreds of Afghani actors running around Hollywood just looking for such a role and they were all passed over for someone who (gasp!) was NOT from Afghanistan!

Rightfully, the Left has leaped to the defense of all those out of work Afghani actors in Hollywood, condemning CBS for their thoughtless and racist act.  We shall see what transpires as Leftist critics are already condemning even the whole idea of the show, talking about how bad the show is (It won’t begin airing until April, so no one has actually SEEN it yet).  But we can imagine how horrible the concept is, that someone who worked with the U.S. troops in Afghanistan is rewarded for his loyalty to this country by being allowed to come here legally instead of having to tromp through the Mexican desert like everyone else, and then is housed by an American soldier friend.  Horrible!  Horrible!

One of the producers, Reza Aslan, who used to be a host for CNN and is famous both for engaging in cannibalism on his show and for saying that poor Nick Sandmann had a “punchable face” is scrambling to find a solution. Let’s hope he does.  This is just another example of the despicable cultural appropriation that continues to take place in this country where at least 4% of our 330,000,000 Americans, 4% I tell you, wouldn’t vote for a black man for president!  

No, there is only one solution to this horrible racist problem.  Separate the races.  That way, those pesky white people can’t hurt the feelings of Asians or blacks or Hispanics!  Here is what needs to happen:

President Asterisk must immediately sign the following executive orders:

  1.  Every city, town, and rural county must be rezoned according to race.  Whites in one area, blacks in another, Asians or Native Americans in another.  Those who are bi-racial will be assigned to an area dependent upon the color of their skin. Large cities like Chicago and San Francisco have already largely achieved this and only a few affluent black aldermen in Chicago, for instance, would have to move from their current neighborhoods to Chicago’s South side.  (This would have an immediate unintended consequence, however that must be guarded against.  Those aldermen would suddenly want to refund the police in order to have safer streets in their new neighborhoods.)
  • Every train, bus, and plane will have separate sections for each race to avoid confrontations mid-journey.  Flight attendants will be assigned to areas of the plane that matches their own ethnicity.  Ethnic foods will be carefully selected and served to the corresponding area of the airplane or train.  Buses will have no problem as all restaurants will also be required to have separate but equal areas for each race.
  • Separate but equal schools will be designated each for a specific race with teachers of the corresponding race to avoid confrontation or confusion on the part of the children.  Again, schools in cities such as Chicago are already largely segregated already, so there would be little work that needed to be done to completely safeguard children from the abuse of other children.  Separate graduation ceremonies, such as those now conducted at Columbia University for each race and gender would become the norm everywhere, as would separate but equal dorms for each race as the University of California at Berkley already has. Separate, but equal!
  • Offices, businesses and factories would also be required to separate the areas in which each race worked, ate, and went to the bathroom.
  • Little white-haired old ladies would no longer be allowed to wear muumuus, as these appropriate the culture of Hawaiians.
  • No one could any longer buy pasta in the stores to make at home, but would be required to order it from or eat it in a restaurant run by ethnic Italians.  The same would go for Mexican food, Thai food, Chinese food, Indian food.  It would become illegal to cook any food that is ethnically tied to a certain culture unless you can prove the majority of your lineage is of that ethnicity.  For example:  I can make lefse because I am both Norwegian and Swedish, and I can make strudel because my husband is of German descent, but I couldn’t make goulash because neither of us is Hungarian.
  • If you travel abroad, it would be illegal to bring back lederhosen or Cuckoo clocks unless you are ethnically Swiss, German, or Austrian, nor a Sombrero from Mexico unless you are Hispanic.

See what a simple world it would become?  No one would be offended anymore, because it would be illegal to appropriate someone else’s culture. And we wouldn’t be brushing shoulders with other races every day like we are now, creating all those chances to become offended.  We would all be separate but equal! What a step forward that would be! And President Asterisk could do it all with just a stroke of his pen.  If you catch him on a good day, that is, and he remembers his name.

Note:  This is intended as satire, as most of you have already discerned, but the use of the phrase “separate but equal” is very deliberate.  This is the direction in which the Left has us heading and that phrase was the explanation used over and over for segregation in the south. Separate but equal is as racist as you can get, and it is the Democrats who are pushing it now, just as they pushed back in pre-Civil Rights days!