All good children make a list of what they want for Christmas. Parents, grandparents, relatives and friends make sure the little ones have a wonderful time.
But big people need gifts also. We sometimes forget that those whose names are always in the news have wishes and desires, keyed to their respective positions. We propose to give to each of several of these needy pols what they should have in their Christmas stockings.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — New York’s youngest and most visible Congresswoman has made quite a splash in the few months she has been in office. However, her star seems to be waning, so this might be the zenith of her public career. In light of that possibility, what she should have is the gift of a high end drinking establishment in Manhattan (or Queens) where the high rollers and decision makers can have their drinks made by the head of the “Squad”.
Nancy Pelosi — Speaker of the House Pelosi does not look photogenic when facing the cameras. Her stocking should come with a magic cream that will make her look less wrinkled, and maybe her pronouncements will look less like my old school teacher lecturing me on my foibles.
Adam Schiff — Head of the House Intelligence Committee, Schiff used his position to bully witnesses, hide evidence of innocence on President Trump’s part and told so many lies it was hard to keep count. His stocking should contain the following: a book on simple ethics (as long as it is not James Comey’s), a copy of the House rules for committee hearings, and a shirt that shows his neck is not a No. 2 pencil, but something larger. Actually, since he chairs the Intelligence Committee, perhaps a small gift of that precious commodity which he lacks, intelligence.
Hillary Clinton — The loser in the 2016 Presidential election, Hillary still has not settled on the reason why she lost a very winnable contest. After wandering about with a glass of chardonnay in the woods around her house, she has tried to blame a myriad number of reasons for her historic loss. We propose access to a special Internet search engine, which specializes in excuses for losing. Her specialty search would be about unsuccessful political races. On her next speaking tour, the audiences for her and Bill, small as they will be, would not be forced to listen to warmed over excuses for her failure. Also, the stocking should contain a carton of chardonnay.
Jerry Nadler — This figure, short and rotund, is the chairman of the House Judiciary Committee. His lone foray into the impeachment hearings was an unilluminating parade of people who had no first-hand knowledge of the supposedly nefarious dealings of the President. His stocking needs to be filled with a single tome of a dictionary, with only repeated entries of the same word: witness. What this will do will educate him on what witnesses really do in any kind of legal business.
James Clapper and John Brennan — A single stocking will do for these two, who claim to be paragons of virtue in their public life. With two investigations already completed and another on the way, they should share an invitation to the same cell in a federal prison for trying to overthrow a free and fair election.
James Comey — This former head of the FBI was part of the cabal trying to oust President Trump. He wrote a self-serving book which extolled his own “higher loyalty” and strong ethical stance during this public service. Both the Mueller investigation and the DOJ’s report contradict his claims of moral superiority. On Christmas morning, his stocking should yield his publisher’s offer to revise his work, with Devin Nunes as his editor.
Our Christmas wish list also includes some Republicans. They, too, are deserving of some joy at this time of year, so it is our duty to list what they should get in their stockings.
President Trump — How can you give a billionaire anything? If you are President of the United States whose enemies are trying to kick him out of office, one of the things he needs is for the Democrats to continue doing what they are doing. His popularity is going up because of the impeachment attempt, and his possible opponents in the 2020 election are looking so bad that all he really wants is for the Dems to keep up the good work to insure his reelection next year.
Melania Trump — Her stocking would be full with just one present — an admission by all the fashion mavens that she is the most accomplished, most graceful and intelligent First Lady America has had in many decades. Included would be regrets for trashing her choices in clothes and in decorating the White House. If that were in her stocking, this might be the best Christmas morning in a long time for her.
Mitch McConnell — Senate Majority Leader McConnell has done a masterful job of handling the business in the Senate. My suggestion that he should receive a silver gavel in his stocking because of the way he has shepherded Trump’s judicial nominees through the confirmation process. Masterful tactician McConnell deserves that symbolic gift.
Lyndsey Graham — Graham has surprised all who have looked on him as somewhat laid back. Perhaps an award for being the “Most Improved” Senator would be appropriate, for he has stepped up his rhetoric and actions in the Senate.
Nikki Haley — Haley should get assigned a campaign guru in her stocking, someone who can frame her run for the 2024 Republican nomination for President. This is in recognition of her showing as U. N. Ambassador that she can stand up to foreign leaders and domestic Democrats in her defense of our nation. Her actions also disprove the Dems claim that Republicans are anti-woman.
There are many others who deserve mention in this screed, but as we look at this list and see what they should get in their stockings, I am sure you agree. After all, each one of them worked hard to earn these gifts.