One of the beautiful aspects of life is the unlimited diversity in those people we meet, sometimes diversity in our own families and communities.  These differences are so great because opposing views force us to think, force us to confront other positions and we thus expand our own horizons, even if we do not subscribe to others’ differing world views.

But this can become very frustrating, as human beings can become unhinged when faced with contrary opinions.  We see this in the headlines each day as politicians take potshots at each other, sometimes with heated rhetoric and misguided fervor.   How can we become those who keep such divisions from becoming issues that cause irreparable rifts between people?  Here are a few ideas on tamping down the heat generated from those who disagree with us.

  1. Appreciate that other people can hold a position that is polar opposite to ours.  In this country, which is made up of many disparate peoples and ethnicities, backgrounds and upbringing give a wide variety of ideas and ideologies to those reared in different circumstances than we.  Accepting this as a beginning premise will go a long way to having conversations and debates that are illuminating rather than just heated.
  2. Practice the Golden Rule in our interactions with others, even with those opposed to us.  For those who might have forgotten this basic “rule” about our actions, it states (from Matthew 7) that we treat other people like we want them to treat us.  Simple, isn’t it?  Yet often disputes are made much worse when we want all the comity and understanding to come to us, without us reciprocating.  In all our interactions, the Golden Rule would lessen the incivility we see in our public discourses
  3. Just shut up.  An old adage says that “sometimes silence is yellow”, indicating that when we do not speak up, that not confronting bad people or ideas is cowardice.  Yet there are times when we need to be silent in the face of an attack on our deeply held ideas, especially when such attack is not founded in fact.  Most of the time we cannot keep our mouths shut, and just bring more gas to the fire.  Gandhi’s movement was called “nonviolent” and it worked.  Perhaps our silence would help lower the rhetorical temperatures when confronted by others.
  4. Pray for the person or groups that are diametrically opposite to what we believe in.  This will put into action Jesus’ admonition to pray for our enemies.  Too often those of us who are Christian forget that those who do not agree with us are just as human as we are, prone to making mistakes and misjudging others as we are.   It will be difficult to remain angry with another who voices a differing viewpoint when we have been in earnest prayer for that person.  These prayers should not be that they would be instantly converted into an acolyte for our positions, but that we will be able to have a relationship without rancor and division.
  5. Make sure you know the opposing party’s position.  Too often we form our own ideas by listening to and reading from those who agree with us.  A now overused cliche is the “echo chamber”, where we hear and read only that which we already profess.  This idea might take us out of our “comfort zone”, but it will also give us an insight into where the other side comes from.  This does not mean that we must convert or agree with any and all points of contention, but what it will do is to increase our understanding and appreciation of differing viewpoints.  Can a Catholic and Protestant be good friends?  Of course.  Can Democrats and Republicans live next to each other in harmonious peace?  We know they can.  But that will come only with an effort made on both sides to do so, and knowing the background of the other side will help.
  6. Do not impute evil motives toward those who do not believe as you do.  This comes as a corollary to points 1 and 5.  We see this so often in our political discourse.  One side will accuse the other of some nefarious motives, and that is then paid back by those they vilify.  We see this in the debates about what to do about gun violence.  Those who are Second Amendment defenders are not all wild-eyed, gun-toting thugs who are looking to settle any argument on Main Street at High Noon.  Those on the other side are not all looking to defang ordinary citizens of their constitutional rights.  Sadly, when gun violence erupts as it has in mass killings, the automatic reaction is to see the other side as the “enemy” who wants to put the other side down.
  7. Do your research.  If you are forced to argue your points with someone from the other side of any issue, the best defense is a good offense.  And offense, when dealing with a topic which could become contentious, is to have at your beck and call facts and figures, along with polls and statements which can reinforce your position.  Think back on your school days and the debates you engaged in where you had to defend your position.  The side that won was the side which marshaled the most logical presentation of the facts supporting their thesis.

I am not sure how the present divisions in our country will play out.  But I do know that if we, both collectively and individually, do not make an effort to bridge the gap between the different camps, the divisions will only get worse.  We do not need to compromise or give up our ideals to do this.  Respect each other, and if no agreement is reached, then simply agree to disagree and leave the hate to those who are too ignorant to know better.